another strange email from Jasper

Dear June,

Many thanks for these entrants to the competition you have been so kindly through sending to me. Many most much of them are marvellous and they are giving me something entertaining to read while I write my wonderful book.

I have one more request for you (and I do so feel bad for being so constant, one day I shall take you to a cruise boat to make it up!) could you possibly send more through? I have run out now and am feeling bored. Reading about how very far my fans imaginations are inspires me as I write my beautiful story so I think it would help a lot if you could send more competition entries through.

Could you do this quickly? It is really rather urgentsome.

Yours goodbye




I don’t think it is right that he would take me on a cruise boat, I am just doing my job to help.


3 Responses

  1. “I don’t think it is right that he would take me on a cruise boat, I am just doing my job to help.”
    … no, no, no, dear June, there’s nowt to fuss about… he didn’t say, offer, or, indeed, naughtily suggest that he (that is, the offending fforde) would take you ON a boat, cruise or some like particular… no, no, no, dear June, the cheap b*****d only offers that “one day I shall take you to a cruise boat to make it up”, so: “one day” – dear god, he’s not about to nail anything to the door here (Worms-y or otherwise) with “one day”, dear oh dear; and here’s the important bit “I shall take you TO a cruise boat” – do you notice that he doesn’t commit to any particular distance from the vessel in question, nor, and this also should be noted, whether this ‘vessel’ (or as he would have it: ‘boat’) is not some toy-cum-scale-model-working-or-otherwise… so, ultimately, what do we have: an aging author (and, believe you me, I’ve seen the ‘laugh lines’) dangling potentially forbidden fruit (or, p’haps, a scale model-working-or-otherwise of fruit) before the tender, nay, virginal (and I don’t mean a four-octave-range-one-string-per-note-harpsi/clavi-cord) eyes of a youthful and sincerely earnest Junior Designate!
    … Oh Shame, Mr Fforde, Shame!… (we now return you to your regularly scheduled program)…

  2. June:

    It’s okay, June – just treat Jasper as a harmless, eccentric author and let it all sail over your head. Just be thankful that he’s harmless – if you stay in publishing, you’ll meet quite a few not-so-harmless and some downright horrible authors, believe me.

    Jasper: if you’re reading this, I think you owe June a bottle of champagne (and none of yer Moet muck, either) for all the angst you’ve caused the poor woman. It’s the only decent thing to do, old man. Have some pie.

  3. I think that the point was by a translation aid and then back again at least that is, which it looks as to me.

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