Archive for June, 2007

Dupine books
Thursday 28 June, 2007

From: Information
Date: 26-Jun-2007 17:05
Subject: Dupine stockists
To: june.havershamSPLAThodder.co.uk

Hi June

What a curious request. Dupine Classics were cheap as chips (look who wrote Wuthering Heights according to them!). I don’t know for the life of me why we acquired them. I’ve been looking for where editions might still be stocked but the database keeps crashing, so I haven’t got them all. I think there are a few more in bookshops and libraries up north. But in the meantime, here’s what I could find. Apart from Foyle’s, where there’s quite a few, I think all the places only have one book each.

Best

Bob

Bath, Waterstone’s

Birmingham, Waterstone’s (New Street)

Bolton, Waterstone’s

Cambridge, Border’s

Canterbury, Waterstone’s

Cheltenham, Waterstone’s

Fareham, Waterstone’s

High Wycombe, Waterstone’s

Ipswich, Waterstone’s

Leeds, The Idle Hour

London, Forbidden Planet (what a classic book is doing there, I don’t know)

London, Foyle’s

Nottingham, Waterstone’s

Reading, Waterstone’s (Broad Street)

Swindon, Waterstone’s

Whitby, The Whitby Bookshop

Yeovil, Waterstone’s

And some libraries.

Blackburn Library

Darwen Library

Neath Library

Redruth Library

St Ive’s Library

Wokingham Library

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An email from Amy
Tuesday 26 June, 2007

Today I received an email from a woman who works in a shop called Foyles, this is a funny coincidence because I was just talking to someone about Foyles earlier because there are some of the books ‘Jasper’ wants in that book shop. Sometimes a word will crop up lots after you learn it for the first time! Foyles is a funny fish.  : )

I sent her an email back, I hope we can help each other figure out our strange happenings!

Hello Amy,

What you say does sound very strange, but such strange things have been happening recently that perhaps I don’t really know what normal is after all!
I have never met anyone called Miss Havisham even though my name is similar to Miss Havisham, what is she like? Is she the same as the Miss Havisham in the book Great Expectations?
Can you tell me more about the book you found – how was it blank? on the outside or the inside or both? this is very strange. I will read your blog, I also have a blog! it is called https://junehaversham.wordpress.com . Perhaps the strange things that have happened in your work are related to the strange things that have happened in my work, although so far I don’t see how they could be other than they have happened at the same time.

In my work I have been emailing Jasper Fforde because I work in the publishing house where his books are published. Not long after I started my placement in the Publcity and Marketing Department, I received an email from Jasper saying that he had lost all his contacts by dropping his computer on a wall. I got everyone to email him so that he had their addresses again, but he still emailed me instead.

He asked me to stop the quiz going out on time so he could check the questions and then he added a new last question and the ‘scribbler’ tie breaker challenge. This made the quiz late and I got in big trouble. : (

I then found out that he had made the last question of the first rounds wrong! He had put the correct answer as being that the new book is called ‘The Great Samuel Pepys Fiasco’ when it is of course ‘First Among Sequels’! It is easy to make a little error, but he should know the name of his own book, that is a really big error!

I started to get suspicious that the writing style in his emails was so very different to the writing style of his books so I asked some nice people for their opinion and some people said they thought he was an imposter this whole time!

Now he has asked me to help him find a range of his favourite books called Dupine books, but even though it is a very simple task I’m not sure I should help him at all in any way if he has been lying to me!

So those are the strange things that have been happening at my work.

oh, and my friend peter has stopped answering my emails, but that’s not too strange because he is a Narcissus.   > (

Does any of this sound similar or help you at all? I know some very nice helpful people I could ask them to help you too.

june

On 26/06/07, Amy Greenford <amygreenford@gmail.com> wrote:

Dear June,

Thank you for your emails and no worries about the wrong answer on the quiz – to be honest, I wouldn’t know anyway! I haven’t yet read any Jasper Fforde. However, the reason I’ve even got in touch with you in the first place is that I have had a rather strange couple of weeks described on my blog: http://amygreenford.blogspot.com

Anyway, not to bore you with all the details, many people have mentioned Jasper Fforde to me and the lastest email I got from someone who has been reading my in blog was regarding the competition:

A few weeks ago, I received an email about a Jasper Fforde quiz, claiming to be from someone called June Haversham (…) The similarity between the names struck me as odd – Havisham vs. Haversham. She has apparently been receiving emails from a Jasper Ffforde, about a new book. Note the 3 fs again, just like in the book in Foyles. This Ffforde seems to somehow be harvesting literature to create their masterpiece. The major problem is that I’m certain it is not the real Jasper Fforde,

In a nutshell, I work in Foyles, I witnessed what some people have said was a ‘book jump’, one of the jumpers being Miss Havisham, and the other, a groom who we don’t know. A week later, I found an almost blank copy of Wuthering Heights in Foyles and since then two more have been found. I have now met Miss Havisham who has warned of 9 more books in peril. (See blog for a more cogent explanation)

Does this seem ridiculous. If so, sorry to have blabbered all this time. If not, can you let me know if you have any information that can help?

Thanks a lot!

Amy

P.s e.g is there any link between your name and Miss Havisham? Your name, albiet spelt slightly differently, can’t be very common?

Thanks!

I have met Miss Havisham from Great Expectations.

On 6/26/07, June Haversham <june.haversham@hodder.co.uk > wrote:

Hello Amy,

It has been pointed out to me by my boss that the last question on the first part of the quiz has the wrong answer let you win instead of the right answer. She said lots of people have emailed to say that it isn’t right that they have to give a wrong answer to win. I’m very confused that the answer is wrong in the quiz. Of course the book is called First among sequels! Did you email in? If you did, don’t worry, you don’t lose any points if you gave the right answer before the wrong one.

That last question and the scribbler tie-breaker were two of the things that Mr. Fforde had us put in at the last moment, so I am very surprised that the question was wrong, because he checked them himself.
Oh dear, this is all going a bit wrong, this is my first job and I’m starting to get the impression I’m not expected to last long here. I’ve never worked in a publishing house office before, it’s all a bit overwhelming. Have you ever worked in an office? can you give me any advice on how to not get ‘the boot’?

june


june haversham
Junior Designate, Publicity & Marketing
Hodder & Stoughton
(t)  0207 873 6302
(e) june.haversham@hodder.co.uk

Dupine books
Tuesday 26 June, 2007

Jasper sent me this email this morning, I don’t know what to do. If he really is Jasper then I should help him, if he isn’t really Jasper, like you say, then perhaps he is lying about why he wants the books too.

: S

I found out where stocks Dupine books, Dupine closed down over 10 years ago and its assets were acquired by Hodder, so I just called up the distributor to find out where they are. The books are all out of print so there aren’t many left. Foyles on Charing Cross in London had the most left, otherwise they’re all spread out around the country – all over, from scotland to cornwall. Should I tell him where they are? Maybe just the ones local to him or if he is going to do something bad, perhaps the ones furthest away? Oh I’m very confused now!   :  (

On 6/26/07, Jasper <jasperffforde@googlemail.com> wrote:

Dearest June, are you wellness?

You are a lovely but funny one, sometimes you help to me very quickly and others nevernot at all. As I wrote through before, I had a little fire at my little place and all my books were burned. This made me sadmuch as I know well you know.

As well as my books, MY Thursday ones, I also lost the great and good classics from my Dupine collection, which I was fondmuch of as Grandma gave them when I was a nipperkid. As you are the person who knows more about where books than any other, I was bewondering if you might be able to tell me where I can still buy Dupine books from. I know they are old but I hopemuchmost that somewhere still will sell them to me.

Do please let me know what places you think of.

Yours Goodbye

Jasper

comparison
Tuesday 26 June, 2007

A lot of people have agreed with me that Jasper is writing in a strange way. The words he is using are put together so differently from how he writes in his books. I have posted up the most recent piece of writing by Jasper I have, it is the final draft copy of the first chapter of First Among Sequels. I think it is OK to share this with you as it didn’t end up in the finished book! (There is a whole major character that was written out at the last moment and so everything in the draft had to be changed).

thursdaynext05_finaldraft.doc


I have read both this draft and the emails he has sent me and they are at odds and evens with each other. He must spend an awful lot more time writing his books than he does his emails, but then that makes sense as they also take longer, and are more exciting, to read!

Advice.

Hi June,
I don’t know about strange, they’re a bit funnily worded, but thats just Jasper’s way. Erm… I guess he just wants you to send through all of the competition entries as soon as you get them, so he can have more ideas for Landen’s brother’s name?

Yes, it reads very oddly.

you have been so kindly through sending to me – Surely it should be ‘so kindly sending through to me’ ? Though the ‘through’ is redundant anyway… Maybe he’s going for some sort of Joycean syntax?

and I do so feel bad for being so constant – Constant as in faithful? Continuous? Or just persistent?

Reading about how very far my fans imaginations are – No apostrophe. Dodgy verb use. This guy is a writer…. right?

inspires me as I write my beautiful story – This sounds like a line from one of those automatically generated spam emails from Eastern Europe.

urgentsome – I think that’s one neologism we can probably muddle along without.

Yours goodbye – ???

Suffice to say, he sounds drunk.

I think that the point was by a translation aid and then back again at least that is, which it looks as to me.

surviving the office advice
Tuesday 26 June, 2007

Take a look around the office, I can guarantee you’ll see a
room full of people who are just trying to get through the day without
someone else realising they don’t know what they are doing.

You’ll be fine.

As far as working in an office goes, I work in an office for a publishing
house as well (albeit a small, insignificant one). The Editor of the
magazine I work on is UNBELIEVABLE. Recently he’s decided to answer a
spiritual calling and train to be a vicar part-time. To be honest, I worry
for his future parishioners. If his 15 minute ‘time management’ meetings
regularly last up to an hour and half, imagine how long the sermons will be!

All I can say is, in any office, the best thing to do is keep your head
down, do your job, and hope for the best.

Good luck!

PS- I suppose you could try flirting with the authors to win them over to
your side (I’ve seen Jasper in person before, he looks quite hunky)…

As for the other thing, I actually haven’t worked in an office (I’m in retail post-English degree, and now trying to get something in a library or something else involving books) but as I understand it, the principle is the same as anywhere else – try not to screw up too badly, if you do then admit to it and fix it, and always always always try to remember how people take their tea and coffee.

Um…that wasn’t terribly helpful, was it? Sorry.

Any new workplace is overwhelming, I’m sure it’ll grow on you. I’m working in an office at the moment, and the only advice I can really give is that the impression of efficiency is often more powerful than any actual abilities one has to provide for the job. Make like you’ve learned things from this episode, and come up with a plausible answer when people ask what they are, and the least you’ll have is a killer answer when people ask you in interviews “Give us an example of a time when things didn’t go according to plan”…

On the error in the final question, I did notice it, but assumed that it was caused by a group of radical UltraWord terroristsm, who have so far evaded capture by the forces of truth. I would suggest that you ensure that everyone in your office realises this and that you are working on a brilliant plan to foil them. Blaming Outlandish authors can only harm your cause so make sure that your boss knows that you are responsible for uncovering the foul rumour that JF might himself have been responsible – if there is any justice, you should receive the huge rise you no doubt deserve and will be given a free holiday on the character exchange programme in Tara, including the essential costume and attitude/accent classes.

error check
Monday 25 June, 2007

I thought it best to check that what Jasper is saying right, I don’t want another mistake to happen like with the website question!
On 25/06/07, Jasper Ffforde <jasperffforde@googlemail.com> wrote:

My dear June, you are very good at my job but I am not foolminded!

Please DO NOT remoteish change the time or the location place of the invitation. Perhappenstance I should have made it clearer to you that as this is a different and more lovelied event at a special and secret location which nobody can knowledge of yet. All I can say to you and all you can slide into your nicermosted invite is that it is in Swindon at 1pm in a secret place. I will let know the place when it is at the right time to be told.

I hope this is clear, just use the words I through sent and change not a dot or a W.

Yours Goodbye

Jasper

On 6/24/07, June Haversham <june.haversham@hodder.co.uk> wrote:

Hello Jasper,

The draft you sent me for the invititation has the time as 1pm and the location as secret location. I am making the invite nicermost now, would you want me to write the time as 2pm and the location as Waterstones instead?

june

june haversham
Junior Designate, Publicity & Marketing
Hodder & Stoughton
(t)  0207 873 6302
(e) june.haversham@hodder.co.uk

Invitation
Sunday 24 June, 2007

This weekend my assignment was to create something for work using the desktop publishing programme. I decided to draw up the invitation for the people who are coming to the Swindon event. I am having to teach myself how to use the desktop publishing programme myself from the tutorial files that come with it under the ‘Help’ button.

He has written down the time as 1pm instead of 2pm, which is strange because I heard Janet talking on the phone to him eariler in the week and she told him then that the booksigning is at 2pm. I thought about it and I think he probably just doesn’t want people to be late and so wrote the time earlier. That is very thoughtful of him, I was late to meet peter after work on Friday and I was very unhappy when I went to find him and he wasn’t there.

 

On 22/06/07, Jasper Ffforde <jasperffforde@googlemail.com> wrote:

Hello June

It is time to be outposting invitations to the big launch of my book in Swindon to those who have been scribbling me wonders. I have drawn it with a biro pen and made it look quite nicesome. I am wondering if you could make it nicermost and then post to all so they hear me read the Next book on the Seventh of Swindon. It will be the best and only Next! Make sure the words are spelled out exactly the same way as I have written, as it will be important for the future, which I will tell you about one day that is not right now.

Jasper

invite.jpg

Procrastination
Sunday 24 June, 2007

pro·cras·ti·nate      [proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh] Pronunciation Key verb, -nat·ed, -nat·ing.

–verb (used without object)

1. to defer action; delay: to procrastinate until an opportunity is lost.

–verb (used with object)

2. to put off till another day or time; defer; delay.


[Origin: 1580–90; < L prōcrāstinātus (ptp. of prōcrāstināre to put off until tomorrow, equiv. to prō- pro-1 + -crāstināre, deriv. of crāstinus of tomorrow; crās tomorrow + -tinus suffix forming adjs. from temporal advs.); see -ate1]

pro·cras·ti·nat·ing·ly, pro·cras·ti·na·tive·ly, adverb

pro·cras·ti·na·tion, noun

pro·cras·ti·na·tive, pro·cras·ti·na·to·ry      [proh-kras-tuh-nuh-tawr-ee, -tohr-ee, pruh] Pronunciation Key, adjective

pro·cras·ti·na·tive·ness, noun

pro·cras·ti·na·tor, noun

2. prolong, postpone.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

advice
Sunday 24 June, 2007

What is our beloved Jasper Fforde doing writing all these emails to you and spending so much time reading our entries when he should have his nose to the grindstone on his next book?  Doesn’t he know that it takes us less time to read them than he does to write them?  Sometimes I wish I was born in the next generation, so I wouldn’t have to wait for the publication dates.  Very inconsiderate, I do think.I think what we have here is a little case of writer’s block.  Fantasies of cruises? Requests for more entries?  I think we’re looking at the P-word here.

Yes, it’s Procrastination.  And you’re in luck, because I have done some study into this phenomenon, and have even been a sufferer myself.

Procrastination is a terrible disease that afflicts some of the best writers of all times.  At first, it tends to manifests itself in spending time doing other useful things.  I personally experience cooking and cleaning my house as my personal Procrastination symptoms.  However, if it is a serious case, Procrastination starts to express non-useful symptoms, causing otherwise healthy sufferers to spend time reading horoscopes on the Internet, writing emails to anyone and everyone, and even the ‘SIS’ effect (also known as Staring into Space).  In severe cases, patients become obsessive in trying to fill every minute of their day doing anything except addressing the job at hand.  My parents and friends know that I’m not well if they come over and my house is clean and there is bread in the oven.  They’re relieved when they come over to a shambles and an M&S pre-prepared dinner.

Unfortunately, modern medicine has not yet recognised Procrastination as a diagnosable illness.  I expect it will be a few generations before this terrible affliction is given the recognition it requires.  This means that there are no drugs available to treat the problem, yet.

So, what can you do about it?  Well, personally I would be gentle with Mr Fforde.  He is an artist, you know.  But, we’re all aware that he has a sense of humour (if also an unhealthy fear of toast), so I think you should do the following.

1. Raise the possibility that he may be suffering from Procrastination, and reiterate that he is not alone, or in any way defective.

2. Suggest, gently, that he should focus on the task at hand and keep writing his next book.

3. Provide constant support, and even a cheer squad if necessary, to affirm positive behaviour (ie. writing).

If that doesn’t work, it could be that the problem has been diagnosed too late.  And then all we can do it hope and wait.

emails from Jasper
Saturday 23 June, 2007

On 26/05/07, Jasper Ffforde <jasperffforde@googlemail.com> wrote:

Ah June, you are very kind to me. If you can learn about the ways of word writings from me then that is very good. Perhaps one day you will write a book and there will be other Junes to make it into many copies. I am quite excited about having a book published but it has happened to me before, hasn’t it, so I am not as excited as I was then. The book is coming along very well. I have written many much more pages.

Thank you for the date I know it now.
I am learning fast. I went to the seaside today and was nearly sick due to the salty water. Watch out for this. It’s salty! You can write this down if you want to, because I am a writer, the much more words of mine that are written down the better . As long as they have my name on them!

Yours goodbye

Jasper.

On 25/05/07, June Haversham <june.haversham@hodder.co.uk> wrote:

Hello Jasper,

I like what you said about a writer and a publisher being like a book’s pages and a book’s cover. It made me think of books, and I like books. It is very clever the way you wrote about one thing as if it were another thing, that must be why you are such a good writer.
In answer to your question, the book signing (launch?) date in Swindon is 7th July 2007.
Are you excited that your book manuscript is going to be made into lots and lots of books and put in shops?

I am glad you are not cold.

june

p.s. I am writing a blog at the moment, can I write in it that what you have said?


june haversham
Junior Designate, Publicity & Marketing
Hodder & Stoughton
(t) 0207 873 6302
(e) june.haversham@hodder.co.uk

On 24/05/07, Jasper Ffforde <jasperffforde@googlemail.com> wrote:

Oh June! That isn’t right: I think you are important. I am just the writer, but you help people to see the books. Without you it would be just me and a book with lots of pages. Which would be fine, but not the same. You are organised. You make things happen, I might write the pages (many of them) but in a sort of way you are the glue and the spine which holds them together.

Of course! The coat! you see how important you are – without you I would be cold.

The first date I would like you to confirm, if you have time in your busy day, is the date of the launch of my book in Swindon! I know, I should this know!

Yours goodbye

Jasper

On 24/05/07, June Haversham <june.haversham@hodder.co.uk> wrote:

Hello Jasper,
I don’t think we have spoken before, unless you mean by writing emails to each other, then we have. I emailed you after the time you visited here and left your coat.
I am busy, but I think you are important and I am not! Which dates did you wish to have confirmed?

june


june haversham
Junior Designate, Publicity & Marketing
Hodder & Stoughton
(t) 0207 873 6302
(e) june.haversham@hodder.co.uk

On 24/05/07, Jasper Ffforde <jasperffforde@googlemail.com> wrote:

Thank you June.

You are very kind. Have we spoken before? I speak to so many people, I sometimes forget.

I have also lost my diary which is a foolish thing of me to be doing, would it be bad if I wrote to you asking to confirm some dates? I know that you are very important and busy, so please don’t worry if that is a problem. I don’t want to take away you from this important book business.

yours goodbye

Jasper

On 24/05/07, Jasper Ffforde <jasperffforde@googlemail.com> wrote:

hello Jasper,

I am well today, thank you. Are you well? I have asked everyone to email you to confirm their addresses to you. I am glad you have written more pages, it is important.

june


june haversham
Junior Designate, Publicity & Marketing
Hodder & Stoughton
(t) 0207 873 6302
(e) june.haversham@hodder.co.uk

On 22/05/07, Jasper Ffforde <jasperffforde@googlemail.com> wrote:

Hello there Hodder friends.

I hope you absolutely all are well.

I’m writing to you because I have done a thing and made all my email addresses get deleted when I dropped my computer on a wall.

So I am writing here today to ask you if

Could you send me back.the important addresses and also any information you have sent in the last few days as I have lost that as well.

The book is going to be excellent and I have written many pages.

Yours goodbye,

Jasper